Sometimes there can be a period of alienation in a relationship where everyday life becomes routine and communication with a partner is no longer the same as before.
You may feel that your significant other is drifting away from you and becoming more of an outside observer in your relationship than an active participant.
But don’t jump to the conclusion that your relationship is over. Perhaps it is only a temporary loss of interest, and you can still save it.
In this article, you’ll learn what causes loss of interest and the signs that your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend is losing interest in your relationship. Moreover, we will share some tips to help you get your partner’s attention back.
Why do partners lose interest in relationships?
Kelly Campbell, a professor of Psychology at California State University, analyzed the problem of partners losing interest in each other and identified several main reasons why it happens:
1. Lack of confidence.
Perhaps the person you’re dating or married to doesn’t see themselves as attractive or successful enough. Low self-esteem can cause them to distance themselves from you.
2. Excessive care.
Not every person needs much attention. Perhaps your over-protectiveness doesn’t give your partner the time and space they need.
3. Lousy timing.
You and your partner may be on different pages in your relationship, and your desires don’t match.
4. Too much, too soon.
Sometimes relationships can move too quickly and passionately for one or both partners. It might scare them.
Now that we’ve covered the possible reasons let’s find out the signs your partner is losing interest in you.
Here are 7 subtle signs that your partner is losing interest in you.
Regardless of the duration of the relationship, it’s critical to notice signs of cooling feelings. By identifying them early on, you have a better chance to change the situation and steer your relationship in the right direction.
Here are a few signs that your woman or man is losing interest in your relationship. Please read carefully and match them to your situation. Once you identify the problem, you can figure out how to proceed.
1. Your partner’s future plans don’t include you.
When your partner made plans for the day, week, or month, they always considered your interests and preferences or asked your advice. You jointly discussed where to go for a vacation, how to spend an evening, etc. It made you feel like an essential part of their life.
Now, that has changed. You find out about your partner’s plans by chance. Moreover, neither you nor your wishes are taken into account.
It isn’t just large-scale items. For example, when choosing which movie to watch, your partner doesn’t ask you what you want and doesn’t even care if you watch it with them. Such an attitude is a sign of losing interest in a relationship.
2. Your partner shows no initiative.
Relationships grow based on the interaction between two partners. For a relationship to be healthy, both partners should participate equally.
When one partner constantly offers options for spending time together, and the other simply tacitly agrees, the question arises, “Are they interested in being together at all?”
There’s a stereotype that a man takes a more active position in a relationship than a woman. If we consider this pattern, then the lack of initiative from your man may indicate that he’s losing interest in you as a woman.
However, it’s just a stereotype. You should remember that when both partners love each other, they will strive to make each other happy, regardless of gender and any stereotypes. If only one is making an effort, perhaps the other doesn’t need it.
3. You and your partner rarely have sex.
Sex is an important part of any relationship, and if your partner is no longer interested in it, you should be raising a red flag.
Sex brings emotional and physical benefits to both partners due to the release of endorphin, dopamine, and testosterone. Endorphins reduce stress and minimize pain, dopamine increases our sense of happiness, and testosterone improves our performance at work.
Moreover, recent research “More Than Just Sex: Affection Mediates the Association Between Sexual Activity and Well-Being” shows that sex promotes overall well-being and induces positive emotions.
Of course, over time, the passion may subsidize, and spouses’ sexual life may become less regular, but that’s normal.
If physical intimacy, including kissing and hugging, disappears completely, it’s a bad sign that your partner is losing interest in you. After all, when emotional interest disappears, the physical form of sympathy disappears as well.
4. Emotional detachment.
Emotional detachment from your partner is a hidden sign of loss of interest. Of course, in some cases, it can also be a defense mechanism against stress, pain, anxiety, previous trauma, etc.
Emotional alienation related to the loss of love and interest has external factors. Check if your partner uses closed postures when talking to you or doesn’t want to look you in the eye.
An emotional wall may also indicate a loss of trust. Your partner no longer wants to share their secrets and doesn’t talk about their problems.
Unwillingness to talk about themselves leads to losing interest in your life and your problems. Mental health counselor Jill Sylvester agrees and says that a relationship should be an equal partnership of giving and taking and finding compromises.
An emotionally closed partner won’t prioritize you the way you prioritize them.
5. You don’t talk much.
More accurately, you don’t talk much about what really matters. You can spend hours discussing technical aspects, for example, what color to repaint the walls or what dishwasher to buy. But that’s where the conversation ends.
You don’t talk about your feelings for each other, shared values, or priorities. You don’t even discuss cinema, music, politics, the neighbor’s lawn, etc.
When the conversation turns to something other than solving some problem, your significant other either walks away from the communication or takes it in a different direction.
If this description sounds like your situation, your spouse may have lost interest in you and your relationship. And that’s the problem: people live together, not only because they have romantic feelings for each other, but also because they are interested in each other.
If there’s no interest, then the feelings may also be in danger.
6. You don’t fight anymore.
Arguments are part of any relationship. Conflicts and the ability to constructively resolve them help achieve harmony in a couple.
Of course, quarrels can be destructive in some cases, mainly when they occur because of small things and partners can’t find a common language to resolve the dispute. However, it’s even worse when one of them ignores the fight.
Psychologist Anne Crowley backs this up by saying that although fighting isn’t the most productive part of a relationship, it’s still the energy partners put into it.
If you notice that your husband doesn’t want to resolve the conflict, it’s one of the signs he is losing interest not only in settling a dispute but also in building a healthy relationship.
7. Your relationship has stalled.
Many psychologists believe that the relationship between loving people is a dynamic process with formal and psychological periods.
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First, people meet each other. Then, in many cases, they start living together, get married, and have children. Psychologically, partners also go through several stages: flirting, falling in love, friendship (as a period of getting to know each other), and true love.
Partners who aren’t interested in the progress may get stuck at any stage.
A boyfriend losing interest in a relationship won’t propose to his girlfriend, while a wife losing interest in her husband may avoid talking about having kids, etc.
Think about how you want your relationship to progress and try to discuss it with your partner. If they avoid communication, perhaps the problem is that your desires and vision do not match.
How can you regain your partner’s interest?
The longer you know your partner, the more your get used to them. With time, the effect of romantic unexpectedness may disappear, and your relationship risks becoming a routine.
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However, you have an advantage. You know your partner like no one else, and by noticing signs of cooling and losing interest, you can draw up an action plan that suits your situation.
The tips below are just a few things you can do to take your relationship to the next level and get your partner’s interest back. Let them be your starting point.
Here are 5 tips to help get your partner’s interest.
1. Learn to be a good listener.
In those rare moments when your partner tells you something, take your mind off everything that might be distracting you and dedicate this time to them.
By noticing that you’re interested in what they’re talking about, they may rethink their relationship and start sharing more with you.
2. Pay attention to how you look.
Perhaps your partner used to say that short hair suits you or that blue color brings out your eyes. Remember, people love with their eyes first. So, you can wear what they like to show you value your partner’s opinion.
3. Start dating your partner again.
When you first met, you tried to get to know each other better via dates. Now that you’ve known your partner for many years, it may seem like there’s no need for dating anymore. However, it can arouse interest in a relationship.
Ask them out in advance or organize a surprise date for just the two of you. It will bring romance and keep the spark in your relationship.
4. Talk about what you want.
Tell your partner that you need more attention from them and more involvement in the relationship. However, choose your words carefully to provoke hostility, defensiveness, and further alienation.
5. Be yourself.
Remember that you are unique. Trust and be honest with yourself. You become more interesting and attractive to others by being who you are.
Another piece of advice is to try relationship therapy. A psychologist or therapist can help you and your partner get to the root of the problem and find a strategy that works for you.
If you feel your partner is losing interest in you and your relationship, it doesn’t always mean your relationship has no future. Interest can be restored if the feelings haven’t faded yet.
First and foremost, it is critical to understand whether you and your partner really want it. Therefore, before taking any action, talk to your soulmate.
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Natalie Maximets is a life transformation coach with expertise in clinical and existential psychology.